The world provides endless means of getting information. But seldom do people realise that the text they read on a screen from some website is generally someone’s opinion. It may not always be the truth. But people take it in as a gospel truth and drink it in with their eyes closed.It is the source of information that makes the difference. Also, there are always two sides to the same story. If you hear just one side, your opinion will be clearly biased. And then there are cases which we may not understand because may not be involved or related to the issues. In those cases it is best keep your opinions distant. But that’s the my opinion.
The word “feminism” gets thrown around a lot these days. And evidence suggests that women are mistreated. Yes, they are. At work and socially. Even in their own homes. In the post prior to this, i have mentioned real life stories that women have told me about how men treated them on dates. And i was appalled. It was shocking to hear the things women endure on a daily basis. But over the years, the definition and purpose of feminism has shifted. It no longer means fighting for women’s rights; it now basically stands for trampling on men to get what they feel like they are entitled to. Watch any YouTube video and actually listen to a feminist talk. At first it would all make sense and you would agree with what is being said. Big words will be thrown around like “wage gap”, “Male privilege”, “rape culture”, “pink tax” etc. While they all sound like compelling and emotional arguments, they generally crumble in front of facts. There is a series of videos titled “Feminism vs Logic” and you can make your own conclusion based on what you see and hear. Im just pointing you in that direction. While on the subject it is said that while women make almost half of the work force, they have fewer work related fatalities, fewer work related suicides, take more sick days and generally spend lesser hours in the office on average. When i first heard about the wage gap inequality, my first reaction like any uninformed citizen was that this is wrong. But the more i dug into this, i realised that this isn’t the case at all. UFC women’s champion Ronda Rousey said in an interview that “I am the highest paid athlete in women because i draw in the most crowds. It’s not that someone is doing something nice for me. I am the best in the business and that’s why i get the best wages.” And i agree. Here is a woman who relies on her talent and accepts the reward she gets in return. Additionally, women business owners have said openly that they have found women to be lazy, lacking creativity and are less motivated in the work place and they would hire men over women any day because it is her business. She also admitted that while she would love to hire more women, there just isn’t enough talent around. The wage gap talks about the salaries paid to men and women on average. Not of a particular work place. If there is a wage gap and you feel you are entitled for more, go and have a civilised conversation with your boss. Use words and facts that are relevant and make sense.
There was a Buzzfeed video recently titled “36 questions feminists have for men”. One of them had a woman come to the camera and just say “why don’t you acknowledge that you have male privilege? Just accept it and do something about it. It does not make you a bad person.” Now that got me thinking and i researched more into “Male privilege”. I found no compelling arguments to support this hypothesis. In fact, there are more facts available that women have more privileges than men. Fewer work related fatalities, fewer work related suicides, fewer homeless women, the ability to sue for child support, the ability to sue for child support and custody even after sexually assaulting a man, the ability to adopt as a single parent, actually having reproductive rights etc to name a few. It is far easier for men to get fired after allegations of sexual assault. And the onus is on the man to prove he is innocent. Far easier to assume it is that a man’s fault in a case of domestic violence when studies indicate that women are far more involved in initiating and carrying out a domestic assault. It is easier to assume that it is a man’s fault in a divorce but again studies indicate a higher percentage of women initiating it. There was another video where sexual assault charges were dropped against one university student after a CCTV footage was recovered. It was seen that the girl basically threw herself at him and took him by the hand to her dorm room. But the man was picked up the next day by the local police and was charged with rape. The charges were dropped but nothing happened to the woman who filed the charges. She wasn’t fined for wasting everyone’s time. She just walked away freely. Why? You know the answer.
Coming to “rape culture” now. It is sad to read the news these days and hear about women being assaulted or raped on a daily basis. India does not have a good record and i don’t really see a big change happening in this department. A few steps are taken after a major incident but soon after, everyone moves on and forgets about the whole thing till the next big event occurs. Surely the general population needs to be educated about these issues and the fear of god needs to be forced into people regarding this matter. However, the word “rape” gets thrown around very loosely these days. While the dictionary definition explains it in one way, feminists have rebranded the word and now basically even a simple touch on the shoulder or a hand on the knee constitutes rape. I spent a lot of time researching this topic because it is probably the most sensitive issue and we need to talk about this. In another video, a woman said “If i am in the street and i am crying because i lost my cat, men come up to me and say hey, what’s wrong? can i help you? That is so wrong. What gives them the right to come and talk to me? they are not entitled to my time.” In this case basic human decency is being confused with evil intentions. What would she prefer? That she cried alone in the street and no one gave a damn about her? What kind of a civilisation would we be then? There are other videos where women say “men should be told not to rape women.” But i am not a rapist not because someone told me not to do it. I don’t rape because i was taught to be a gentleman and that consent is the most important thing. Even if you are married to that person. I don’t even kiss the woman i am dating first because i want her to be ready and comfortable with it. And once that level of trust and understanding is developed you can move forward together. but no one told me not to rape. I just knew it was wrong. Most rapes occur where the woman involved knew the assaulter. And from the accounts i have mentioned in my previous post, several of them were probably heading towards rape. Most men are scumbags, no doubt. But hanging out with such scumbags and friend zoning the good guys makes matters worse. Women always tell me stories about how they were treated by certain men but when i say something like you should date nicer guys, such as myself, i get laughed at. It is unthinkable to be with a nice guy, because he is nice. This does not allow men to walk away scot-free, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t see a “rape culture” as such. All men aren’t rapists and we certainly don’t go about feeling the need to rape as it is shown in these video interviews. Yes, the atmosphere is unsafe for women. It is unsafe for men too. I feel unease driving back home alone at night in a bad neighbourhood. I fear getting robbed or beaten or murdered.
The point of this post was not to talk about this though. These are just some the things i discovered and i have presented them in the manner i found them. The point i am trying to make is this. In one of the response videos, someone said why is it wrong for a man to call a woman a slut but it is okay for a woman to call a man a fuckboy? Now i did encounter this word before on all these dating apps. Women write stuff like “Not here for hookups. No fuckboys.” I didn’t really pay attention to this word till the time i saw the video mentioned above. And now everywhere i see this, i get offended. Even though i am not the proverbial “fuckboy”. Yes, i get offended. But i didn’t before. I didn’t pay any attention. 90% of where your life heads depends on how you react to situations. On one hand i had the option of turning a blind eye and not giving a damn about it while on the other hand i could have become offended. And thats what we are doing these days.We hear about things that may not apply to us entirely but we get offended on someone else’s behalf. Comedian Daniel Sloss made fun of his dead sister in one of his Netflix stand-up routines and he rightly pointed out that you have no reason to feel offended. She isn’t your sister, she isn’t here anymore, she didn’t ask you to get offended but here you are twitching uncomfortably in your seats. Which we all do. We get offended for things that mostly have no business with our lives. I swear, the word “offended” was not a part of my vocabulary at all. What we are doing essentially is teaching people to be offended by things and feel bad about things that don’t directly concern us. Because it is a one sided conversation. People hear things and they form an opinion. I don’t agree with Donald Trump on most occasions but he is right when he says there is a lot of “fake news” out there. In India, people are assaulted and killed just over a WhatsApp forward alleging that a person is a paedophile. And without credible evidence, a mob shows up and a man is left dead. WE DON’T TALK ANYMORE. We don’t talk to each other anymore. If there is something that i do that makes someone unhappy, they can come and talk to me directly about it. Branding me based on my nationality or gender won’t solve anything. All men aren’t the same. All Indians aren’t the same. I am a unique individual and i am not what you hear on Buzzfeed. Talk to me. Talk to anyone you have a problem with. List out your problems, present them with facts and not noise. Problem at work, talk to your boss. Problem at home, talk to you husband or wife or parents. Problem with your life and your own identity crisis, fix it yourself. It has nothing to do with you being a man or a woman.
I am a firm believer that everything can be fixed. when two people show up and sit down in front of each other and have an open dialogue, anything can be fixed. But people need to be willing to listen. People need to be willing to accept that they might be wrong. People need to be willing to fix a problem and not just make noise. People need to look at facts and not call others insensitive or insecure. People need to talk to each other face to face. Not through online mediums where only one side gets heard. Please read this with an open mind, share it with your friends and family and ask for their opinion about this. I look forward to the comments.