Now, I’d like to point out that this was a very unusual occurrence and I certainly was not used to such events in my life. I was the king of the mundane. The barely existing, zero experiences kind of a guy. I hated traveling even though it was something everyone was doing and encouraging everyone else to do as well. I was a skeptic. You can always “find yourself” anywhere. You can have epiphanies anywhere; even while you’re in bed waking up in the morning. I found it oddly superficial and unnecessary. And those who did travel, did it only for the pictures and instagram. Them and their fake smiles and their “#blessed”. I saw through it all. It was all an act. And don’t even get me started on the journey. I hate planes, the roads are never good to the places you want to visit and it always takes hours upon hours to get there. But despite all that reasoning, it was unusual to people that i didn’t travel as much. Even if i did, i wouldn’t go out of my way and call people to tell them what i did and smear pictures all over the internet craving their validation and respect. People thought i was anti-social and crazy. Maybe i was. But what’s the harm in that? In a world where a person can be a ton of horrible things, being anti-social is probably the least harmful. How can anyone be harmful if he or she just remove themselves from the confines of the society? How is it wrong to not give in to society’s definition of “normal behaviour” and do your own thing?
I like it when things go according to plan. I hate surprises, good or bad. My overly active Gemini mind plans every detail of a series of events days in advance weighing all possible permutations and combinations. I think about what I’ll do if this happens and what i’ll say if she says this in response. There are times i have to stop myself from going too deep into the rabbit hole. Hours go by and to the ordinary bystander i might be staring at the wall in front of me, but by then my mind has left my body and traversed the deep dark corners of the universe. I’ve always been like this. I was like this when i was a child as well. Probably why it takes me a while to understand things because i am easily distracted. Even when i do understand something, i bring about tons of questions involving the how’s, when’s, where’s and what’s from all possible dimensions. And once i have the answers to all these questions, only them am i satisfied by my understanding of a topic. While others choose to throw words around with their limited understanding, i cast a giant web of questions that need answering first before i can contribute to a conversation. Also why i am an excellent listener. And also why i get interested in people’s stories. Because there is a reason behind why a person is the way he is. And all the clues lie in these stories. If a person was to reveal all their stories to me, i could tell you how they are at the moment. Think of us being a river moving ahead in direction as we all do in life. Think of these stories and events as giant boulders that make us change direction every now and then. Some nudge us towards a waterfall where we hit rockbottom and some lead us to the plains where everything slows down and life is calm. If one was to go back and follow the path of a person’s river, you can pin point the existence of these boulders and see how much it affected their course in life.
But we all hide our boulders and pretend we are bulletproof. Our past failures and heartbreaks become embarrassing secrets when they shouldn’t be. They mould us into who we are now. Its a journey and not one soul has made it here without cuts and bruises. We hide them from others and thats why no one can understand each other. No one knows why a person is the way they are and why they say the things they say. Agreed you don’t do that with random strangers but when you’re with someone, it goes a long way in understanding each other. You get a better idea about what to expect, where the boundaries are and what not to say at the wrong time. While we are all smiling in our instagram posts, people deep down have forgotten what real happiness feels like. They’ve lost faith in everything and everyone. They’ve gone deeper into their shells and misunderstandings blossom.
I remember taking each step leading me to an uncomfortable uncertainty. Time had slowed down and all the music around me had drowned out. I felt the eyes on me as i walked across the bar towards the exit. She was leading the way. Her heels clicked and clacked at the wooden floor. Her hips swayed gently with each step. Her hair had a bounce and a purpose about them. She turned to see if i was still following. Our eyes met. I could feel her peeping inside my hollow body and coming face to face with my soul. Her eyes pierced right through me.
The curious gemini inside me had to know her story. I knew i would toss and turn for nights trying to come up with scenarios till it drove me to the limits of insanity. I knew i had to know and i had to hear it from her. I had to know.